Yes, the year. Not the whole year. Just one day. My birthday. It's my birthday today. (Yay! Happy Birthday to me!). But it just occurred to me to start thinking hard about my birthday in 2014. Here's why.
In 2014, I will be 40. (Okay, that was weird to just write that). Except for when I turned 10 (which I know was spent in Canada), I have spent my decade years in other countries. This wasn't necessarily planned. When I turned 20, I was on a mission trip to Cali, Colombia. When I turned 30, it was the first stint we did down in New Zealand. It was then that I told Colin, half-jokingly, that we needed to start planning for my 40th, because I fully expected to be in yet another country (maybe for a *gasp* planned vacation!!).
As time went by, I talked more seriously about this, and with a committed husband with a decent income, this was certainly a very realistic possibility.
Things have changed. My income is not so secure. I don't even know what it may look like in 4 years, let alone next year! But today, I prayed for something.
I am learning what "pray continually" means, because the only way I can get through most of my grief-stricken days, is to pray. A LOT! One of my prayers this morning was for healing. I pray that all the time. I don't feel it coming, but I still pray it. And I felt a strong urge to pray that God would literally change my dreams. Not my sleeping dreams, but my awake ones. I had a dream about and for my life regarding marriage. I NEED a new dream. That dream has been shattered and killed and I need new dreams. But I can't think of any. I can't think of anything I want more than a loving, healthy marriage in which to raise my family. But it's GONE!! So I desperately need God to put new dreams in my head.
And as I sat in a quiet moment today, God reminded me of my "other country on my decade birthday" dream. I don't know. Maybe this is what I need. Something to look forward to, so I can stop continually looking back. The past is killing me. I need a future!! And no, not just a future with a vacation, but it's *something*, right?
So, I'm thinking. I'm contemplating. Maybe there is a little bit of money I can put aside every week. Maybe I can save. Maybe I can actually do this. Maybe in 4 years, I will be able to fulfill just a fun little dream (because God is also a lover of fun), and be in some other country in the world for my 40th birthday.
Haven't decided yet if I want to go alone or take the kidlets. ;)
2 comments:
Happy Birthday, Krista! And you are young, young, young. It's weird for you to write 40 in future tense; well, my little sister just turned 40 this month (and I'm 3 years older).
I think you have a great dream/plan for your 40th birthday! If all else fails, you could pop across to the States. However, I hope you can do something even more exotic and fun. :-)
Begin saving and then plan a trip for you and a girlfriend -- you deserve to do something special for your 40th!
And if you want to repeat the celebration for your 20th -- well, at least with some of the same people -- just come on over! Three of us live here! :-)
Love you and am praying for you!
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