Self-help?

I sat in a Christian bookstore the other day, browsing through the Bibles (just bought Ethan a "big kids" one - he's so proud!), a bit of fiction, and the "self-help" section. My now dysfunctional little family now qualifies, sadly. But these books are supposed to help, right? So, why do I pick them up, glance through a couple chapters, and end up feeling worse?

I picked up a book about "fatherless daughters". *sigh* Of all my children, my daughter will NEVER have a full knowledge of her father. She'll know he's her dad, sure, but not in nearly the same way as her brothers. And this book I picked up, by an author I reasonably respect, left me SO discouraged. What I get from this book (and have from others before) is that it doesn't matter what I do, that being abandoned by the first man in her life will create a huge gaping wound in her. Oh sure, this wound can be healed, but before that happens, she'll be at HIGH risk for all sorts of crap, like turning to boys and sex for validation and never feeling good enough or loveable, and all of that.

And then I thought, why does it have to be that way?! Is it a given? Is it guaranteed that my daughter will have to walk through hell before Jesus heals her and she recognizes her true worth?

I don't know. And you know what?! That author doesn't know. I firmly believe a father plays a HUGE role in how children see themselves, but does it HAVE to be exactly the way the books play out? Will my boys, growing up with their own unique "father wound" also end up not knowing how to be real men? Will they only know how to be lying cheaters who will leave their wives? That IS the example of the first and most important man in their lives. And the books would imply that they are also at a huge risk for the same behaviour their father has exhibited.

Again, I don't know!

But this is what I do know. I know that every single day, I lay these 3 children at the feet of their TRUE father. Every day, I pray to their "Abba" (hebrew for Daddy) to hold these 3 babies in his arms, just like their father should be. I pray to the Saviour who will never leave us nor forsake us. Ethan and Silas KNOW that their Abba is the "daddy who will never leave". Every day I place their future in God's hands. I believe the words in Isaiah 49:25, "...I will contend with those who contend with you, and your children I will save."

I know my children are and will continue to be wounded. I know that marriage dissolution is the worst wound on children, far worse even than the death of a parent. I also know how hard I fought for my marriage. I know that this will NEVER be my choice, and I know that their father's choice will affect them for the rest of their lives.

I know that I have done the best I can with the things I know. I know that God can make a different path for these children than the one the self-help books say they are bound to go down. Because MY God is bigger than those books. What HE says is truer. HE is their father. HE is their healer. I pray HE will show my boys how to be true men of integrity and faith. I pray HE will show my daughter how cherished and worthwhile and loved she is. HE IS THEIR ABBA!!!

I think I'll just stay out of the self-help section, especially when it comes to my children. God doesn't want their mother to feel depressed and forlorn about their future. "The days of the blameless are known to the Lord, and their inheritance will endure forever." Psalm 37:18. I have my children's names written next to that verse. Their future is determined by him, not by the words in a measly book. I think my Bible will serve as a much better form of "self-help".