"Happy Birthday", sweet baby boy

(A tribute to my second lost baby, who was due today)

No, mama doesn't know if you were a boy, but in my heart, you are. Today we might have met you. But instead, you are in Heaven. You live with Jesus, with your sister, who we also lost. My two wee babies, held in the arms of God, but never in my arms. Today, wee boy, we followed the same tradition we followed in June, when we celebrated the "birthday" of our other lost baby. We bought a bright, big mylar balloon. We made a card for you. Your big brother, Ethan, drew a rainbow and coloured it. We wrote how much we love you and how special you are to us. Then we walked down to the beach. Ethan said "Happy Birthday" and sent you your balloon. We hope you love it. You will always be in my heart. Love, Mommy.

It's amazing how healing releasing a balloon is and watching it float away until you can't see it anymore. I felt it in June when we released our first one, and again today. It's like God is also releasing some of my pain, some of the grief. And taking it. We told Ethan the balloons are going to the babies in Heaven, and so if my grief is going with them, then it must be God taking it. I feel healed also, knowing that we, as a family, have acknowledged these babies. They have names. They lived. Not long, but they did, and they were ours, even if it was for but a fleeting moment.