My sweet husband

He just walked in the door after work with a HUGE beautiful bouquet (with lilies, too!). Included was a card which read, "Happy almost halfway through your pregnancy. Love, Colin"

So sweet. Sometimes it feels like we have such "dry" periods as husband and wife and then he'll do something like that and I get all warm and mushy. Also, because this pregnancy has been fraught with such anxiety on both our parts, it's like neither of us really want to admit it's happening because we're too scared of having it all ripped away again. Taking the belly pictures and for him to celebrate my halfway point is so very special. We're starting to really anticipate a new baby. It's a reality.

Colin's really been my rock through the miscarriages and through this pregnancy. After the first miscarriage, he didn't know what or how to feel. For awhile, I didn't feel he was validating my grief, which was pretty intense. One day we sat down and talked and he told me he wanted to feel sad, but didn't, and it confused him. I was so relieved that he shared that. I told him we didn't have to feel the same way, but that both of us needed validation. He became my number one support, even through the deep depression I went through a couple months after the miscarriage. They say miscarriage depression is very much like post-partum depression.

After the second miscarriage, Colin definitely "felt" more. We were both stunned, mostly. We really didn't think it would happen again. And after the initial shock, I felt so angry. I was so sad after the first loss, but this one just made me furious. Again, Colin was nothing but supportive, and the depression came again, almost in the same time frame as the first. I did extensive reading and went to counselling for my losses and learned more than I ever thought I'd know about the heartache of miscarriage. It is a silent grief that, unless you go through it, is nearly impossible to comprehend. I certainly never did before. Colin heard about everything I was reading and learning, as he is always my sounding board.

I was so proud of him about 11 weeks into this pregnancy. A guy he works with at the restaurant was going through some hard times, after losing his mom, and he came into work one day, complaining about his wife not caring about his needs and how she was wanting him to be more there for her, since she had just miscarried (at 11 weeks, too). He was saying how selfish his wife was being. It was "just a miscarriage", after all. And Colin, who is non-confrontational, just stepped right up and started defending women who've gone through miscarriages to this guy, trying to explain what this guy's wife was really experiencing. The guy got quite annoyed with Colin, obviously not willing to understand or care what his wife was going through. When Colin told me this story, I could've just cried. He doesn't verbally express himself very often in an emotional way (which drives me nuts sometimes), but he's listening. More than I think. He's understanding. I'm so proud of him. And I love him so much. I thank God for this man in my life.