Musings

Hm, 3 posts in one day. Guess I'm feeling "blog-ish". I've cried many times today for my friend, Alexis. I lit my candle tonight, not quite at 7, as I was nursing my sweet baby to sleep right then. I got to watch my sweet boy drift into peaceful sleep at my breast. My dear friend doesn't get to. I comfort him, or nurse him, or cuddle him every 2 hours, all night long. My dear friend would probably give anything to have her sweet baby keep her up all night. I'm exhausted all day every day with such a wakeful baby. My friend would probably love to experience that kind of exhaustion.

Last year, as I "watched" my dear friend, Steph, and her son Asher, fight the cancer that formed in his small body, I was often struck by their courage, too. I don't know if they, or my friend Alexis ever asked, "Why me (or him)?" But I know I often asked, "Why NOT me?" Why are we the ones with the healthy child? Why do I get to snuggle with my perfectly healthy baby? Why are some families struck with such tragedy and others not? We'll never know these answers. Not in this life. We're probably not supposed to know.

But tonight, I will forget how tired I will be tomorrow. I will snuggle my baby and bury my face in his sweet red head. I will breathe his incredible scent. That intoxicating baby scent. I will whisper how much I love him. Tomorrow, I will hug my big boy. My boy who has almost no baby in him anymore, whose scent is now the musty scent of childhood, wind in his hair, exuberance in every step. I will tell him he is loved beyond measure. I will rejoice in the health and joy of my children. For I know life can change in an instant. I will remember to hold the moments and cherish each day, for it may not be there tomorrow. Oh Lord, as I've done before, I place my precious boys in your hands. In your ever-loving arms. I am blessed and honoured to spend every day with them that I am given.