Here I am, with my teeny, tiny 6 pounder baby, in January, 2003. While I knew I wanted to be a parent, and knew I would love my child(ren), I had no inkling of how "at home" this would feel. Oh, I can almost feel that little warm head against my chest as I look at this photo.
And my boy, now 10. 10!!?? How did a decade go by? I blinked and he grew into this big boy. We have our challenges, he and I, but I think sometimes those challenges are made harder because of the intense love I have for him. My heart aches when I cannot find ways of reaching him or helping him through a tough time. If I could only reach inside his brain or his spirit some days, so I could make everything alright for him. I cannot express the intensity of my devotion to him, my firstborn; the son who has always mirrored me and my emotions, and causes me to check myself all the time because of that mirroring.
The next decade isn't going to be a breeze, but I look forward to seeing the young man this boy is going to grow into. I know God will take all the good and make it even better, and he will take the challenging, and turn it into good. I pray for my son's heart to be open.
Happy Birthday, Ethan! More than anyone, you help shape me into the mother you need me to be. I'm glad I get to take this wild ride with you, beloved boy of mine.
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