I've been experiencing some amazing gifts from God lately. Oh, how he has proven, time and again, that he is the true provider, the true husband, the true father of this family.
About a month ago, someone with a beebee gun or slingshot or something, hit my van window and smashed it. God provided me with my sister, who was only a 5 minute drive away, who came and helped me clean it up and figure out what to do. My brother-in-law got on the phone and sourced out a new window for me. It was a Saturday, so there was nothing I could do until Monday. On Monday, I called a body shop my dad recommended and he said he could get me the window for $100 cheaper than my brother-in-law had been quoted. And he happened to have it in his shop right then! Installed it and when I went to pick it up, the receptionist said, "It's been taken care of" and I didn't owe anything. My dear sister paid for it.
I also have been having transmission issues and was worried a new transmission might be in my future, which I cannot afford in any way. Nor can I afford a new van. I took it in last week and it turns out it's an electrical problem and the transmission is FINE!! Saved myself several thousand dollars there!
And our house. A year ago, we moved in here. It's an upstairs suite. The landlady is a friend of my sister's and she even let us stay here last summer for only utilities, no rent. Because it's a shared yard and there is really no storage, it's less than ideal, but it was/is comfortable and I wasn't really looking to move. But a year ago, I looked and looked and looked for our own place. Houses without attached suites were just way too much money and the few I did find that seemed possible seemed to tank quickly when some landlords were overly cautious about renting to a solo mother with 3 small children. Talk about discouraging. So, I stayed here. I dealt with downstairs neighbours who don't clean up after their dog, not allowing my children free play in the backyard. And I have to park on the street, leading to the above incident with the window AND a hit and run during the icy season. Not to mention a LOT of shushing and getting on my kids' cases about excess noise. That wears on all of us after awhile.
Meanwhile, a year ago, my parents put their condo/apartment up for sale. They had very little interest and no offers. They were also discouraged. We talked a few times about them possibly buying a whole duplex and they'd rent one side to me and the kids. This seemed positive in many ways, but perhaps a bit too close in other ways. And it wasn't looking financially feasible. Things weren't coming together.
I wasn't looking to move. I wasn't looking for another house. I was content to live in this one for the foreseeable future. And then I got a phone call. A dear friend, who had just bought a new house, offered their house to me to rent. For the same price I'm paying now. It's smaller, but has a whole basement. It has its own yard. It's in a VERY lovely location. It's half a block from the school where Ethan will be attending next year (that's another post for another day). I had such anxiety about getting him to school EVERY day and suddenly, that problem was solved. I knew I could never afford a whole house, but here was one! Like God gift-wrapped it and plopped it in my lap. "Here you go, my precious daughter, a gift you weren't even asking for!!" Wow. Amazing. As a parent, I can ALMOST imagine God's joy and delight in doing so.
Then, during that time, my parents' condo sold! They were looking in various parts of the city for a new house. They decided the apartment-style condo wasn't working for them right now. And last week, a house went up for sale a block and a half from my future house. Perfect location, a dream house for my mum, and now, it's theirs!
See, a year ago, God knew all this. God knew exactly what we needed. A year ago, I could have gotten super frustrated that things weren't working out and that I wasn't getting what I wanted and felt we needed. And my parents were certainly frustrated that their condo wasn't selling. I consciously stepped back and thanked him that I had a place to live, with a kind landlady, and it was comfortable. I chose not to actively make something happen. I didn't need to.
This is what he means when he asks us to wait. Sure, I could have found a house a year ago, maybe. It might not have been in the location I needed it to be right NOW, though. And my parents' condo could have sold and they'd be in some other part of town. God knew we all needed to just sit tight and let HIM work out the details. And he did! In an astounding way! He said wait. He had some obstacles to get out of the way. And by US getting OUT of his way, he could get it all sorted in the best possible way for all of us. My parents being so close is so great, with all the help they give me. And it's still far enough that we all feel we have our privacy. God KNEW! Of course he did.
I have lived most of my adult life getting in God's way. Sure, he goes with me. He never leaves me, but my choices haven't always led to what is best for me. But when I step back he can orchestrate things. I think it's no shocker that 2 years ago, when my life exploded and all I had was my spiritual connection to God, my outward physical life started to go VERY smoothly. I couldn't control any of it. But I was in constant communion with God. And I desperately asked for help. He made everything go well; my time alone with the boys, my daughter's birth, my role as a solo parent, my move to Canada, a free car, a place to live, enough money to stay at home where my children needed me, a counsellor who I immediately clicked with and had aided so much in my healing, gift after gift after gift of food, clothing, toys, necessities and non-necessities from both friends and anonymous donors. Now, a house, my parents' house. It feels lazy in a way, stepping back and not doing physically active things to plan my life. But I don't need to. What does God want? ME. He just wants me. My heart. He wants me to sit at his feet and worship him. He wants to love me and wants me to love him. Close communion. And he takes care of my physical life. He will be our provider better than any husband (even a good one) could ever be. I wish I'd known that. I wish I'd believed that.
But I know it now. And now is what matters to God. Not my past. Not the mistakes I've made. He cares about right now. And right now, I just want to be in his presence and be filled with his Holy Spirit. And the rest is up to him.
Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his Kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Luke 12:22-34I couldn't have said it better myself.
1 comment:
Praise God Krista. You are letting HIM work and watching HIM do some amazing things in your life. It is such a blessing to read this and see how far you have come in your spiritual journey! Love you and praying for you friend.
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