I miss my friend. Oh, how I miss my friend. I had "best friends" when I was a young child, but as I grew older, never really did. I had friends, and very good ones. But not that one person. Not that one person for whom I was also "that one person". And then, in 1997, I found him. I found my best friend. And I considered myself lucky and blessed to marry him.
I miss sharing my life with him. The big stuff, the mundane, everything. In August, I watched a phenomenal musical theatre production that he directed. And then I couldn't even talk about it with him. It killed me. As a theatre lover, as we are both theatre lovers, I felt the life sucked out of me as I couldn't share it with him.
I don't miss the man he is today. The man he is today is selfish, callous and sometimes, downright cruel.
But I do miss the man who was my friend.
And then sometimes, when I'm having a relatively good day, emotionally speaking (and I do have many. I can't live in the depths of grief every day or I'd go insane), I just miss the man that used to come home and cook dinner.
Yep, there. I said it. This week, I simply miss his cooking skills. I hate cooking. Hate it. Our meals have been less than fantastic lately. Not that the kids care. They don't exactly have fancy taste, but still. How many days can we eat the same boring things - sausages, spaghetti, pizza, eggs and toast...? *sigh*
I miss my cook.
2 comments:
I get that.
Sadly, I know how empty you are feeling sometimes. I used to be in your shoes, missing my x, and the man he used to be. There is nothing wrong with that and I used those feelings to help me not to talk bad about him to my girls as they were growing. I always dwelt on his good points with them and let them form their own opinion of him as they grew up. There will be many stages of feelings about Colin that your kids will go through as they mature and they will need your strength to see the the good things that Colin did do. Today, my girls are not close with their farther, but they accept that is who he is and is still the grandfather to their children. I am proud that they have let him into their lives again.
I never thought that I would ever love another man - but with patience, your your brother taught me to love again. He has been and still is my best friend - time will heal your broken heart.
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