House by the Sea

I grew up in Alberta; landlocked, in a city with a meandering river and a lake that used to be a slough in a farmer's field (it's a pretty little lake and park nowadays, but I admit I was happy we never fell in during my Dragon Boat racing this spring).  I didn't long for larger waters.  It simply was what I knew.  In 2004, I moved to an island.  We didn't live right near the water; it was still a 20 minute drive from our house to the nearest beach.  But we enjoyed our somewhat coastal life very much.  We moved back to Canada and to another island, this time in a little house two blocks from the ocean.  And it was here that I fell in love.  I fell in love with the ocean, with the rhythm of the waves and tides, with the detritus it washed ashore, with the way the sun reflected in a billion sparks of light on its surface.  I grieved miscarriages by the water's edge.  I played with my little boy there, while he threw rock after rock in the watery depths.  My second baby boy was born in that little house, two blocks from the sea.

We moved again, back to the first island, and there, my sweet girl was born.  I went to the shore while my marriage crumbled.  I remember the day after I learned of his infidelity, he came to the house, and I immediately left.  I couldn't be there with him.  I got in the car and I drove.  I didn't know where to, but I ended up at the beach.  It was a constant.  It was MY constant.  It brought me a peace I didn't even understand. 

I've been back in my landlocked province now for 8 years.  I sometimes don't even realize how much I miss the ocean until we drive to the beautiful west coast for visits.  And my spirit remembers that it is made of salt and water.  I believe my spirit is there, and when we visit, I can breathe deeply and inhale my very self, and I am whole and complete.

Several years ago, I don't even know how, but I became aware of Gabriola Island.  I became determined we would visit there and harboured a secret wish to live there; on an island I had never seen except in photos.  This summer, we went.  We explored other parts of Vancouver Island as well, including the spectacular Tofino.  But Gabriola... It was only 4 days, but I went home this summer.  I posted many photos on Facebook of our trip, but found it so difficult to put it all into words.  The whole experience was so much more than just the things we did and the places we saw.  My heart was home. 

I met two people on Gabriola, whom I now jokingly refer to as my "Gabriola friends".  I met them each, individually, and we shared parts of our lives that it usually takes me years to share with typical friends.  One of them said he just up and quit his job (a lucrative one, so he likely had some money to spare) and moved there.  Just like that.  Because once he had been there, he had to live there.  And I knew what he meant instantly.  It pulls you.  It draws you like a shimmering, silver thread, attached to the center of your heart.  You may be physically elsewhere, but it draws you all the same. 

I have loved this song by Moddi for a long time, but tonight, as I listened, as I reflected on the summer we just had, it touched me to the core.  My heart is in a house by the sea.  I can be "at home" here because I've decided to carry that "home" inside me.  Someday, maybe I can physically be where my heart is. 

For those who don't follow me on Facebook, I will try and remember to post photos of our holiday on this blog.  I won't lie and say it was perfect because 4 family members traveling together isn't always smooth sailing.  But it was magical.  It was probably one of the most magical trips I have ever taken in my life.  I truly belong in a house by the sea.