Fulfillment

I have struggled over the past few years with the notion that until I find my perfect fulfillment and peace in Christ, there is no chance of finding a healthy, strong relationship/marriage.  I struggle with this because I knew plenty of people back in our 20s, when everyone was getting married, who didn't necessarily have this.  And yet, they still found great spouses, and still have healthy marriages.  Why did they find it?  Why didn't I?  Mine could have been healthy, make no mistake.  If C had submitted to God fully, I believe God could have transformed him into a healthy husband.

I don't think that notion is correct.  Any time I start thinking of it, I think of Adam.  He was created and was sinless in the garden, and yet, God said Himself, "It is not good for man to be alone."

First of all, I don't think that necessarily means that we all must be coupled off.  What I believe that means is that we were created for community and fellowship.  We were created and designed to be there for and help each other through life, whether that is a marriage relationship or not.  For Adam, that meant a woman.  Obviously, in God's perfect design, man would need woman to procreate and populate the earth, as God commanded.

I heard something on the radio this morning, talking about Adam's longing, even in his sinless state.  Even before sin entered the picture, there was something "missing".  We don't really know how long Adam waited for Eve.  It could have been a few months, it could have been a few years, or a few decades.  What struck me was what Adam did while he waited.  He was completely devoted to his Creator, and to the creation around him.  He took care of the garden.  He took care of the animals.  He was at peace, even while something was missing.

Today, I pray for my heart to have that kind of devotion.  I don't know if God will ever bring a husband into my life.  But I know that something is missing, even while I seek Him daily.  I alluded to it two posts ago, in feeling that I don't really have a sense of community in my life.  If I want to see a friend, I initiate it.  That's not a bad thing, but I long for an inclusion in others' lives that has eluded me so much in my life.

But Lord, while I wait for you to bring to me something that you know will fit me like a "rib from my own body", I pray my devotion to You will be pure and blameless.  I pray that my "waiting" will be fruitful and that I will be pleasing to You.  As Adam didn't even know WHAT he was missing, I don't truly, either.  I feel, in my humanness, that it should be a marriage partner, but it may be something else.  I pray you will be the designer and guide of bringing whatever is missing into my life and heart.  I want Your best for me, oh God, my Creator.