Picture this. A tornado has ripped through a community. Houses are demolished, debris is everywhere, people are displaced and devastated. In their pain and agony, they know they need a place to live, so they grab some tools and wood and concrete and start building. They pour the concrete onto the remains of their old house. It dries in odd shapes and already starts to crack because of the debris left underneath. They put up walls that don't align, their roof is impossible to join to the walls, but they continue on, building, building, building, on top of the mess. They have to climb over the debris to get up to their new front door. The house is brand new. Everything in it is shiny and custom-made. They purchase new treasures and attempt to display them on shelves that are desperately leaning. They look around and see all the new and they think, "Yes, this is going to be great! Everything is new and wonderful now that we have this new house." But we know what sits under its foundation. It's a mess. It's a disaster. The new house is not stable. One bad storm and it's going to crumble.
You are probably shaking your head, thinking, of course, that would never happen. It only makes sense to get rid of the rubble and debris before you start building again. You must build on solid ground, with no mess underneath. Everyone knows that.
Unfortunately, not everyone does know that. Take away the tornado and replace it with separation and divorce. Take away the house and replace it with a relationship or marriage. Look around you. Look on TV and in movies. It is rampant, the amount of building that takes place on top of disgusting rubble and debris. How many relationships in movies begin while the person is still married or involved with someone else? It happens all the time! It is the template that people take into their real lives as well. Infidelity affects millions. Look at http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp. Right there on that website, are almost 40,000 people whose lives have been torn apart by adultery. And that's just the people who have sought out that particular avenue for processing and healing.
We are trained (by television, books, media of all kinds) to think that the answer to the pain of broken love and marriage, is to find new love. We are desperate to be "coupled". We long for the affirmation of another person, when all we need is the affirmation of God!
I have also seen it in my own life. People who are not yet divorced browsing dating sites, or even have new girlfriends or boyfriends in their lives, though their divorce isn't even final. They are building on debris. The new materials might be great. The new house might have the best features and may have the potential for being even better than the first house. But if it's the most perfect material and the most perfect, shiny new thing, it's still going to crumble if it's built on debris. If you build a relationship on the trash and junk of the old one, it will not stand the test of time. It will not weather the storms. There will be cracks in the floor. The roof is going to sag.
Imagine getting that divorce out of the way. Imagine going to counselling, going to http://www.divorcecare.org/, praying, reading your Bible, finding out who you ARE in Christ and who He made you to be and finding your peace and joy in HIM! Imagine how much more sturdy and secure your new house is going to be when and if it comes along. Your beautiful new materials and possessions are going to have cleared, solid ground to sit on. The trash and junk and debris of your marriage will be gone, never to be looked at again.
I'm a leader at Divorce Care and tonight's session inspired these thoughts. The beginning of the DVD was about a town devastated by a tornado and how they rebuilt, and how, of course, they had to clear away the debris first. It was compared to our own lives, and how, you cannot move on and rebuild your life until you clear away the debris of your failed marriage. And the only way to do that is through Christ. The only way to heal is to let God take control. The imagery of building on top of tornado debris got me thinking. And some people do this from relationship to relationship. They never clear any of the baggage. Imagine building a house on two or THREE demolished ones. You couldn't do it!! It would be impossible. And that is true for our hearts and our relationships, too. They are impossible to build on baggage. But we do it anyway!
If a person is separated and not yet divorced, they have baggage. If a person is divorced, but hasn't allowed God to heal them, or hasn't done any of the work it takes to heal (and it takes a lot longer than people think), then there's baggage! Don't allow yourself to live in a house that is sure to crumble, as pretty as it might be. Don't allow your children to live there.
One of the greatest gifts of NOT having met someone since my separation and divorce, is that God has given me the beautiful gift of time. Time to clear away my baggage. Time to spend with Him and let Him show me who HE thinks I am. Time to give my kids complete security in knowing their "home" will be a place built on solid ground. I don't always think of this as a "gift", but I know it is. And I hope I use the time God has given me wisely, and to His glory.
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