I read a lot of blogs. Most of them are not ones I read regularly, but ones posted on Facebook or other places, and the title catches my eye. Or, the person who has shared the link on Facebook is someone I respect and want to read what they obviously thought was significant enough to share with others. I do the same, posting links to photos or articles that I feel are significant.
Since the majority of my friends are also mothers, a lot of blogs have to do with parenting. Many are great. Many are encouraging and uplifting and have the whole "we're in this together" kind of attitude. And then sometimes, they're not. They mean to be. I know the intent. Many of them are written by mothers who have felt that something is lacking in their parenting and so they change something. That's a good thing! If something isn't working, change it! And then, when they feel things are working better for them and their situation, they blog about it. It's possible I've done the same. But I'm not a prolific blogger the way others are, so my readership is not probably as high and I don't get "shared". That's okay. That's not why I blog.
But here's the thing. Those mothers who have fallen into some negative parenting traps and then get themselves out of it, and write about it, don't make me feel better as a mother. I know those blogs are meant to, but they don't. Maybe it's just me. It really could just be me, because often, when I see blogs like that, many of my friends on Facebook are sharing them, so I know many people are obviously feeling like this is something good and worth sharing. And often, when I read them, I can relate to the initial struggle that was the catalyst for change in the blogger's life. I feel the blogger is trying to say, "Hey, I had a problem, and I solved it by doing XYZ, and you can, too! You should feel as badly as I felt when this was a big problem, because this was a terrible way for a mother to act. I saw the error of my ways and so should you. And I'll express how damaging this was to my children and how it probably is for yours, too."
Do you know what I think? It perpetuates guilt. We already live in a culture where mothers (and fathers, maybe) are made to feel guilty and "less than" and that we're never doing enough or good enough by our children. It makes me sigh and think, "Yup! One more thing I'm failing at. Yup, another area I need major work on. Yup, I can't measure up once again." And then I sit and wallow in what a terrible person I am.
When I see these blogs getting shared time and time again on my Facebook timeline, I sigh. I feel guilt and negativity and shame. I already know the areas I don't do well in, as a parent. I know my weaknesses and I know my faults.
Here's the beautiful thing. When I read those blogs about the things I also fail at, I feel guilt. When I bring those same issues to my Heavenly Father, I feel...conviction. I have never once felt motivated to change by feeling guilt. I have however, felt motivated to change when I hear God's gentle whisper in my ear. I know His voice and I know the way He says my name, and it's never accusatory. It's never said in a way to make me feel shame. He is gentle and patient with me, because I do not change easily or quickly, and He patiently waits as I make small changes. I do believe small changes are the only way to make lasting change. My God is loving and forgiving and patient. Oh, and did I mention how patient He is?
You might say, "Well, Krista, just stop reading blogs then." You're right. I don't ever have to click on the links I see on Facebook. And sometimes I don't. However, this was in my head all week this week; the difference between guilt pushing us to change our ways, and God's conviction. One will always make you feel less. The other will always make you feel like you are, not just MORE, but completely capable of getting there. The "preachy" blogs make me feel like I'm parenting in a vacuum. They cannot take into consideration everything that must be taken into consideration when dealing with something. Okay, that mother had a problem and she solved it and wrote about it. We maybe ALL have the same problem, but we also ALL have different personalities, different strengths, different children (also with different personalities), different marital statuses, different life circumstances... and the list goes on and on.
When GOD brings my weakness to the forefront because I know He wants me to change, I know that He has exactly my personality in mind. He knows exactly what MY children need, and He knows exactly how to nudge me in ways that empower me, and know that I am not an evil monster of a mother when I slip, and that my children will not be forever screwed up because of my mistakes.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:29
That is how my Saviour teaches me. I want to be convicted, not guilty.
So, Mums (and Dads), remember, when you read a blog about how you yell too much, or one about how you are not giving your child enough undivided attention, or one about any other parenting weakness you may have, stop and think. This really COULD be an area that needs changing in your life. But does it make you feel "less" or "guilt"? Because those are not catalysts for change. If you feel conviction, deep in your spirit, and if you know Jesus Christ as your Saviour and you know HE is gently nudging you to change, then GO with it. And you will not feel bound by guilt or shame or pain when you mess up again and again. You will feel freedom and joy and peace, knowing you have a patient and loving God who walks with you in your parenting journey, and empowers you to change with His help, with His guidance and conviction, and never, never, never GUILT.
No comments:
Post a Comment