The Shack

This is a long video; an hour and a half.  It is worth your time.

https://vimeo.com/177959675

I read The Shack years ago and didn't really like it.  I now need to read it again with new eyes.

From about the 50:00 mark in this video, and maybe a little before, he basically describes what my marriage was like.  I could say something innocuous and he had a way of turning it around to make me feel like I was wrong.  I didn't see this until years after I was out of it.  I know that I lived in emotional abuse, even though I didn't think so at the time.  Because I'm so outspoken and defended myself against my spouse time and time again, I thought I'm certainly not the "type" to be abused.  I don't take shit from anyone!  Yet, my spouse still made me feel like I was in the wrong.  This speaker says that turning those things around on his wife was his shame telling him how worthless he was. His marriage went a similar path as mine, the difference being that he desired healing, while my spouse did not.  It was easier for mine to continue "running away" so that he no longer had to face his shame, which ultimately led to our divorce.

While I continued to watch this video, suddenly my heart was doing flips.  What's going on?  I'm almost near tears, and not just because of this powerful story of God's grace and healing and restoration, but God is showing me more.

For over 7 years now, I have been the source of C's contempt and disregard and often, disrespect.  It took a good 5 years to forgive.  And I did it for my own healing, not for any benefit it might have given him.  We don't even communicate, so he wouldn't know if I'd ever forgiven him or not.  He probably doesn't care for my forgiveness.  So I don't tend to have compassion for him.  I don't tend to feel any empathy for him.  He's not a safe person for me to dwell my thoughts on.

Every now and then, I've prayed for him.  My motivation has been because of my children.  If he became a better person or chose NOT to run from God, that would benefit my children.  Sometimes, in a fleeting moment, I'd even hear God tell me that He loves C as much as He loves me, as much as He loves anyone.  My head would accept it, but I'd quickly put it out of my heart, because I don't want God to love him that much; this man who treats me like that, and only uses his children to boost his ego, but doesn't invest in their lives like a real parent.  But that's fine.  God could love him.  But I don't have to think about it.

And then this man in this video basically shows me who my former spouse is; a man who covers up his shame with a life of arrogance and narcissism.  And I find myself almost in tears for someone who I most certainly don't love anymore, but also don't hate.  He's become a non-entity in my life, and God is causing me to feel compassion for him.  Compassion for someone I'm indifferent to?  C is acting out of a lifetime of shame that he refuses to face.  And knowing that truth doesn't change anything, except this.  I can pray for him. Ugh, I don't want to!!  But I can, because God has done enough healing and restoration in me that I can pray for any person in the world, even one who shows repulsive behaviour every day.  I can pray for him because of what God has done in me and that allows me to show that person compassion. This video took down my final defense in that regard.

Will I pray for him daily?  I don't know because I don't think of him daily.  But there it is.  That is how God moves.  That is how God reminds me again and again that he is not out to punish and destroy and kill.  He is there to love and restore and show mercy.  Even to those who deserve it the least.

I know the video is long.  But again, I say, it's worth the watch.  What a beautiful testimony.