*sigh*

That sigh is because I've, once again, been a very bad blogger. Sorry if you keep coming and checking and thinking us Hedivans are up to absolutely nothing. It hasn't been terribly eventful around here, but we do keep busy.

Colin will be done Term 1 at the end of this week. He's off for two weeks and then the "real fun" begins. Some of it will indeed be fun. For him. In Term 2, he begins directing the musical at school. The music teacher and dance teachers will handle the music and choreography and Colin will somehow, diplomatically, split the directing between himself and one of the other drama teachers who simply could NOT even fathom not directing a show. It's caused Colin a fair amount of stress because this particular teacher isn't known for giving credit where credit is due and likes to "take over". Colin hasn't run into this situation in his other schools, as he's always been the only senior drama teacher. I'm sure he'll work it out. He'll be up for the challenge. The musical they're doing, by the way, is called, "Urinetown: The Musical". Very funny. Very clever. A stretch for conservative Wanganui, but I think it'll more than meet expectations.

However, that leaves me, yet again, a drama widow. Can I just say how happy I am that, at this school, they only do a senior production every TWO years!? Those few months ARE really hard. Colin still works his 3 nights a week at the restaurant, then 2 more nights of rehearsals, and a Sunday afternoon rehearsal. That is not one day off in the week, and only 2 evenings at home. It's hard on me. It's hard on our family. The boys miss him when he's gone so much, and then when he is home, they don't tend to listen to him in quite the same way, almost like he loses some authority when he's not ever there. It's typical, but hard on me, as a mom.

Interestingly, the last time Colin directed a show and left me to fend for myself, I was also pregnant. That probably doesn't help me with maintaining any single parent energy.

The boys are their busy, energetic selves. They are experts at pushing each other's buttons. Life has become a lot about resolving conflict, not always very successfully, but I try. Just lately, though, they seem to be finding a groove, and I hear a lot more cooperative play. They really DO seem to be becoming each other's best friend. It makes my heart glad.

And I've been tired. That will be a constant theme until I have the baby, I'm sure. And then I'll be a different kind of tired. ;) The baby is well, though. I had a "scare" last week. Well, not exactly. Just my own paranoia that caused me to think I had a scare. Baby is fine, however. This is all tied up with my previous losses and how losing babies just makes pregnancy a whole new ballgame. I've shared some of that before. But I wanted to share now again. I may go into it in more detail soon.

I actually have a lot in my head that I've thought about blogging lately. Some of it may be too "personal" for this blog. Or maybe more personal than some of my readers are used to. But I'm feeling the desire to share more of me. More of my heart. More of who I am as God's child.

There is one thing, and if you are one of my prayerful readers, I'm going to ask that you pray for me about it. There is someone God has put on my heart to pray for. I don't want to pray for this person. I know that sounds terrible, but I don't have very positive feelings or experiences with this person, and I do NOT know how to pray. I don't WANT to pray. So, I guess I need prayer that I will just start doing it. "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Right? Sometimes, part of being a Christian is being obedient, even when your heart isn't there.